I've been teaching sex ed for well over a decade so when the time comes for my friends' kids to get the sex talk, I am frequently tagged in. A few years ago I got a phone call from the mother of a kid I used to baby sit for. Her daughter had just turned 12 and she wanted me to have "the talk" with her.
I explained to her that I'd answer any questions truthfully and would teach her to be safe and respectful but not obscure any details - a sex talk is a talk about sex. She agreed, but wanted to be there for it. Awkward but OK.
We're buzzing along, I'm talking her through everything and answering eleven billion questions. I'm starting in on the making your own decisions and consent when I notice her shifting uncomfortably. "What's up?" I ask the little girl whose diapers I used to change. She takes a deep breath "OK, but what does an orgasm feel like." I blinked and hesitated. Her mom jumped in with the following:
"You know that feeling when you really really really need to pee? And then you finally get to go? THAT'S what an orgasm feels like."
I never looked at her husband the same way again.
ANYWAY. I got a phone call from the girl, now 17. I figured she needed something so I chatted idly with her, waiting for her to gather up the nerve to confide. It took a few minutes before:
"Sugarhill. I had sex."
"Huh. OK? How are you doing?"
*conversation about safety, protection, etc etc etc*
"Mom was totally wrong by the way, that's not at all what it feels like. Why did you let her tell me that?"
I started laughing so hard that I had to call her back.
This is an artistic rendering of my face.