It has come to my attention that something - God or some other deity, the universe, whatever - seems to be playing a bizarre prank on us right now. Dan Haggerty (who played Grizzly Adams on television in the 70's and who I LOVED as a child) has died of cancer. I am sick of this shit. So, I am making an official list of famous people over 50 who are as of now not allowed to die. Feel free to add whomever you want in the comments and I will add them to the official list.

THESE FAMOUS PEOPLE ARE OFFICIALLY NO LONGER ALLOWED TO DIE:

James Earl Jones
Patrick Stewart
Ian McKellen
Sidney Poitier
Peter Gabriel
Emma Thompson
Whoopi Goldberg
Laurie Anderson
Kate Bush
Aretha Franklin
Lenny Kravitz
All members of Public Enemy
Stephen Fry
Hugh Laurie
The surviving cast of Monty Python
Jennifer Saunders
Joanna Lumley
Chris Rock
Susan Sarandon
Meryl Streep
Angela Bassett
Maggie Smith
Judi Dench
Morgan Freeman
Jackie Chan
Rita Moreno
Cloris Leachman
Betty White
Carol Burnett
Oprah
Frank Oz
Caroll Spinney
Jimmy Carter
Dolly Parton
Janet Jackson
Prince
Bruce Springsteen
Bob Dylan
Paul McCartney
Barbra Streisand
Steve Martin
Ellen DeGeneris
Bill Murray
Bob Newhart
Billy Crystal
Tom Brokaw
Tom Selleck
Burt Reynolds
Wanda Sykes
Eddie Izzard
Willem Dafoe
Jeremy Irons
Martin Landau
Stan Lee
Bill Nighy
Pierce Brosnan
David Duchovny
Gillian Anderson (added because X-Files even though she’s only 47)
Jimmy Buffett
OBAMA
MICHELLE OBAMA
Hillary Clinton
Bernie Sanders
Cornell West
Neil Diamond
J.K. Simmons
Bono
Hayao Miyazaki
David Byrne
Debbie Harry
Christopher Lambert
Harrison Ford
Carrie Fisher
Mark Hamill
George Takei
J.K. Rowling
Mick Jagger
Kate Mulgrew
Bob Newhart
Robert Guillaume
Carl Reiner
Mel Brooks
Don Rickles
Jon Stewart
Stephen Colbert
John Williams
Simon & Garfunkel
Bernadette Peters
Lily Tomlin
Mary Tyler Moore
Colin Firth
Martin Sheen
Liam Neeson
Elton John
Ruth Bader Ginsberg
Sharon Jones
Joe Walsh & Don Henley (NO MORE EAGLES WILL DIE NOW)
Pete Townshend
Roger Daltrey
Geddy Lee
Neal Peart
Alex Lifeson
Eric Clapton
Bob Dylan
Joni Mitchell
Robert Plant
Jimmy Page
John Paul Jones
Spike Lee
Danny Glover
Madonna
George Clooney
Tom Waits
Bob Seger
Robert Redford
Denzel Washington
Forest Whittaker
Alex Trebek
Neil Young
Grandmaster Flash
George Clinton
Bootsy Collins
Weird Al
Ann and Nancy Wilson
Abe Vigoda
Howard Jones
Ursula K. LeGuin
Anthony Hopkins
Michael Caine
Terence Stamp
Tom Wilkinson
Elvis Costello
Paul Simon