on hearing the following phrase - HERPES SIMPLEX. I was unaware of its pandemic status. This means that its more probable that you have herpes and just haven't got it tested than that you don't.

The old categorization of people online into

  • the sexually active herpes ridden hags
  • the sexually inactive but dirty cat hoarders who are toxoplasmolysed &
  • germophobes and sensitive hypochondriacs like me who need trigger warnings

must be given up. We are all sore sluts now.

but srsly, What is the etiquette when dealing with someone who has a cold sore? What if you are sharing smokes, bong hits and stoner hugs? What if she took a nap in your bed?

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I know its not air-borne, I know its not AIDS so why make a big deal out of an asymtpomatic disease that pretty much every adult is carrying around; yet, Its been days since I enjoyed a pop song. Exchanging spit is no longer a romantic idea, its a vehicle for HSV.

Even worse, what if I have already contracted it? Am I going to die a virgin with herpes? embarassment will kill me first. Would you guise still talk to me if I was a herpetic virgin? guise, where are you going?

I need to know if everyone is just ignoring this situation. You are all doctors of something right? I await your expert advice. Remember to keep hugs and kisses online only so here's some loveless Pet Shop Boys for you.

Love is a bourgeois construct
so I've given up on the bourgeoisie
Like all their aspirations, it's a fantasy

When you walked out you did me a favour
you made me see reality
that love is a bourgeois construct
It's a blatant fallacy
You won't see me with a bunch of roses
promising fidelity
Love doesn't mean a thing to me

Talking tough and feeling bitter
but better now it's clear to me
that love is a bourgeois construct
so I've given up the bourgeoisie