1. Lie: I am from the Midwest. This should not be a shocker, but hanging out with 3rd party voters and supporters of fascism was never my bag. Sure I said I was coming but gosh darnit, I couldn’t make it. I wish I could have seen your face dad when you open that envelope with a donation to planned parenthood in your name.

2. Booze: I for one enjoy bypassing forced merriment, this takes liquor which is unforced merriment.

3. A regiment of watching material. Marvels civil war dropped today on Netflix, and I am currently binging some game of boners as my ex called it.

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4. Be short on the phone. Sure it’s a dick move to not say high to everyone, but it is a small price to pay to avoid anxiety or ask how a relationship is going when it ended 6 months ago and there new love is there. (This happened to me before.)

5. Have a personal food plan. I ordered uber eats for breaky, and have a wonderful assortment of veg, chicken and beef, to make my pretty great pan wrecking peanut butter stir fry.

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I think this about covers it. Stay true to this and December 26th will come quick enough. Heah, feel free to share your best of worst of Christmas 2016 below.