I borrowed my husband’s Old Spice deodorant on Saturday, and it gave me 2nd degree chemical burns in my motherfucking armpits. I am not allowed to wear deodorant until I heal, and I stink worse than a pile of carrion.

BURNS.

IN MY GODDAMN ARMPITS.

It’s probably karma. Karma can fucking suck it.

Update: I have armpit scabs, DEAR GOD I HAVE ARMPIT SCABS. I live for all things horror and yet not once in my life have I contemplated the existence of scabs in armpits.