And the phrase "performance penis" is cracking me up. Is it a fancy penis one breaks out for entertaining guests? Is it a higher octane dong than the average penis? Like, the Ferrari of funsticks? Is it a special penis for pageants, all covered in sequins and fake tan spray? Is it a penis that knows how to do tricks that a boring, everyday cock can only dream of doing? A Cirque du Soleil schlong? Is it the Mitt-Romney's-fancy-dancing-horse of the penis world?

With that, I shall now spend the rest of my day imagining Ann Romney riding around on a jauntily cantering performance penis.