So my neighbor hates me. Like hates, hates me. It’s kind of funny, because if she didn’t hate me so bad, I actually think we’d be good friends. But somehow, she got it in her head that I am out to steal her husband. I’ve talked to this guy maybe 8 times in the 3 years I’ve lived here. Most of the time, that talking has amounted to “Hey.”

There’s a lot of various stories that I will probably write down at some point. My favorite one though, is when dude was standing in his yard with his shirt off (admittedly nicer body than I was expecting, but I wasn’t gawking), I was walking by and told him Hi. Wife comes out of nowhere and starts yelling at him to get back in the house.

Another one, one of their kids was out while I was walking my dog. Adorable little kid, wanted to pet my dog. She talked about my dog for awhile, was hugging on her when the older kid ran up. “Mom says you have to leave, NOW” while looking me up and down (this kid has inherited her mom’s attitude towards me at an early age). Little kid asks why? The answer, while glaring at me so hard the little kid noticed “You KNOW why. Let’s go.” Awesome.

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Anyway, out today I see a guy that’s vaguely familiar but I can’t place him. He’s attractive and waving at me. He’s by himself, smiling and waving and calling Hi. So I saunter over with my brightest smile, thinking ‘this guy is kinda hot and is calling to me. Huh.’ It’s my neighbor. I was prepared to hit on my neighbor.