In the twitterverse the PEEOTUS is having a legendary meltdown about his escapades. I’m going to try to focus on the reaction more than the meat of the unverified accusations because his reaction is nearly as priceless. I mean I guess having Russian prostitutes pee on a bed for you has a specific price. (any quotes can be sent to my email, for journalism!) An actual star would be able to get people to spitefully pee on beds for free.

Leak was in quotes, was this his first attempt as self-deprecating humor? I almost want to give him a nod but then Nazi’s. SO CLOSE. Apparently this media leak is a sign of living in Nazi Germany. Huh, my extensive research over the years shows that there wouldn’t be a huge problem in Germany about this. They’d probably do something a bit more lighthearted than spite, but it’s not my mattress, no judgements.

Well if that’s the case, all is good. No way that Russia would piss on your leg and tell you it’s rain.

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I was wrong, I’m focusing on the pee jokes because that’s what is setting him off. He couldn’t care less if his Russian connections were exposed, because no one is willing to hold him accountable for that. Being exposed as a fan of #goldenshowers burns him worse than losing the popular vote. And not the jellyfish sting type of burn, a deep lasting burn.

Yes, there are more important things in the world, but nothing has brought me as much joy as this and I feel like sharing. Resist (by more than hashtag please), but be sure to laugh.

So where did Trump sleep that night?