Last week I dreamt I had terminal cancer of the kidneys, a condition that could only be diagnosed by a procedure which meant I first had to shave my knackers in a communal changing room. I also had to get changed in a tent outside which kept flapping open so the people in the office opposite got a sneaky peek. This week I dreamt mrs wing confessed to an affair. When I told her I was leaving, it was over, she just shrugged her shoulders and told me with no small amount glee, he was a much better shag than me anyway. Wanker.:

And the doctor was all, "yeah sorry pal, you're fucked ".