So, in the past week, I've had two horrible dreams. Dreams that were so heart wrenching, I woke up in sweats and even tears.
The content of the first one is hazy, I just know I was very, very angry at a friend while we were in a car. So angry I was crying in the dream and enough angry to be really upset when I woke up out of it.
Last night I had my second dream. Same friend. This time I can recal exactly what happened and I was pissed. Because again what she was doing pissed me off to the point of crying in my dream. And all add this dream is super reminiscent of things she did to me over the course of a year to hurt our friendship.
This friend and I have had some issues this past year stemming from her inability to be a functioning adult and then blaming me for her sidesteps or misbehaviors. We've talked most of it through and she's come a long way in her own self awareness and overal confidence, but these dreams, man. I have déjà vu a lot, and it mostly comes from my dreams. And last nights dream was too real for me; it's shaken me enough to actually write this and admit my déjà vu awesomeness to you lot.
I want to be her friend because I think deep down she's a really great person with a big heart who just sorta lost her way last year. It was really hard being her scapegoat and took a lot out of me in terms of trusting my friends. But she's worked really hard on becoming herself and being who she is and I don't want to discount any of that. I simply don't trust her yet and I guess that's why I'm having these dreams.