The Tom Dixon Water Candle has the best incarnation of the absurd Amazon review I’ve ever read, which I’ll reproduce below for you and also link to.

This is for a $400+ dollar candle.

Better than actual water!By T. Baker 
Every Tuesday we serve Baja-style tacos from an authentic Airstream in our back yard, and if there’s one thing that detracts from the post-taco reverie whilst reclining in authentic Spanish peasant chairs it’s the onset of digestive distress. My wife insists on only the finest unpasteurized, hand-rendered raw milk products for the queso blanco, typically having spent the week before aging the rennet in our restored 1920's clawfoot bathtub. Unfortunately, more delicate constitutions can find the virtual water slide of bacteria a bit much to handle at first. Klaus ruined a mid-century Hans Wegner chaise less than a minute after enjoying his first vegan shark queso diablo, an unfortunate event that almost caused me to drop my gold iPhone while capturing the plating for Instagram. Since then we only use seating that can easily be hosed down. We purchased and placed a dozen Tom Dixon Water candles throughout the Airstream to effectively neutralize any unpleasantness, and find that they do an exceptional job of simulating the actual smell of real “water.”

While my initial thought was that the shipping cost was a bit excessive, it was actually hand-delivered by an artisinal mail carrier with a glorious beard in wood-sided vintage mail truck. So win-win.

I die every time I think about how the writer decided to simply introduce Klaus as a known entity without any context and how that character could only be named Klaus and god I love Klaus.

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For more fun, here’s a video of the designer of this candle discussing his love of blow torches with a fluffy dog that doubles as his kidney.