I think maybe I’m just not built for it. The last few semesters, I’ve tried to pledge to stop stressing over school and just put in enough effort to pass and get through. But I inevitably crumble and spend hours on schoolwork and become the workhorse in group projects.

This is my last semester. I’m really emotionally done with the whole thing. I have a ton of shit going on in my personal life at the moment - dealing with some health problems, recently crashed my car, remodeling my house, my computer completely died (though it’s now fixed - I just spent several weeks without a computer), and then just got news last week that a family member is probably dying. I don’t have time for this school bullshit.

So I slacked off. We just had our first quiz, and I completely bombed it. Just, bombed it. I think the only other times I’ve done this badly on a test was in my freshman year of undergrad in weed-out intro bio/chem classes, where everyone failed and we were graded on a curve.

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It was open notes! How did I do this badly? Well, I guess that’s what happens when I don’t do all the reading and agonize studying for days beforehand. (I did at least skim most of the reading in the hours leading up to the quiz...) So now I feel like I have to go back to my tried-and-true, way-too-much-effort status quo, because doing less has failed me. But I don’t know if I have it in me.

Why didn’t I pick an easier class for my last one? The quiz was mostly select-all-that-apply and short answers that expected me to basically design a new drug. Even the few multiple choice were not directly from the reading. It didn’t help that my expectations were framed by the professor saying that the quizzes were meant to be really easy. So now I feel like I might be an idiot. I definitely made some stupid mistakes. The amount of reading and workload in general is very high. I don’t know how I’m going to survive to the end of summer.

UPDATE: It’s all good! Somehow, I don’t know why, she adjusted the grade to give me partial credit on all the questions I got wrong. I was judging my bad grade based on the answer key, but I guess all that stress was over nothing, because the grade is pretty acceptable now. Guess I got lucky this time.