Yeah yeah happy new year and that. It's ten past midnight and we're watching the countdown and following fireworks on the tele going on in London, 'cos there's fuck all else to do.

Cue camera shot on the crowd. Every bloody one them is filming it on their mobiles. There's this huge fucking display on the tele that you're actually stood looking at, fucking in the fucking flesh. And your filming it for you're mates on facebook when they just as well watch the high def images on the BBC.