Here’s what I’m struggling with the most, on this first Official Monday of the End Times, and it’s something I’ve struggled with since That Tuesday In November: Pretending that life is normal.

Is that hyperbolic? Is it absurd? Am I completely nuts? Am I the only one who struggles to go into the office and interact with co-workers as if there’s not a giant orange daughter-fucking Nazi elephant in the god damned room?

“Shame about the game last night, eh Quasar Funk?”

Advertisement

“Yeah, the Steelers really sucked and I’m not sure how much it matters anymore because we’re all going to die soon and of course the Trump Lovers are going to win the Super Bowl because evil always prevails now.”

“Um...I have to go.”

Advertisement

You know that feeling you get when you’re watching a movie and you know that the killer is behind the door, and it’s so blatantly obvious to anyone with a brain that the killer is behind the door, but the stupid girl is walking right towards the door and you’re like, “Bitch, he’s behind the fucking door! How can you be so fucking stupid?!” But that moment only lasts until he cuts her head off. And now America is that large-breasted blonde teen girl and I can’t change the channel.