From The Onion: ‘GTA V’ A Sophisticated Gaming Experience, Says Man Who Spent 3 Hours Running Over Homeless People With Fire Truck

DAYTON, OH—Calling the latest installment of the video game franchise “complex” and “highly nuanced,” local man Kevin Mitchell, who just spent the past 3 hours brutally driving over homeless characters with a stolen fire truck, confirmed Tuesday that Grand Theft Auto V provides a deeply sophisticated gaming experience. “The narrative is dynamic and multilayered, the characterizations are brilliantly assured, and the vast open-world experience creates a style of play that is both revolutionary in design and intellectually stimulating,” Mitchell told reporters, moments before making his in-game character block traffic with a bus to create a 10-car pileup in the middle of the street, toss grenades at unsuspecting pedestrians while standing on top of an ambulance, and jump off a building into the spinning blades of a helicopter. “And nowhere is GTA V more groundbreaking than when it is deftly skewering the vices and follies of contemporary culture with its razor-sharp social commentary.” At press time, Mitchell was remarking on the game’s “stunningly inventive storycraft” while repeatedly kicking a Los Santos resident until blood pooled around their lifeless body.