"In good times... in bad times... when you and 30,000 buds want to punt Matt Flynn in the scrotum... that's what friends are for."
So I am alive. Our old MacBook has not been however, since shortly after my last post. There is no way in hell that was going to save Matt Flynn from my scorn. The most appropriate way to wrap up this game would be to wrap up Matt Flynn in a herpes-ridden rug and roll him off a cliff. Due to time constraints I will have to rely on the written word to try and impart to you just how terrible this man is at playing quarterback.
I attended the game with two of my best friends from high school. Here are some of the names we tossed out as comparisons to Matt Flynn on the way home- Aaron Brooks. Kyle Boller. The Name That Shall Not Be Spoketh, JoeMama. Jay Schroeder. At least Jay had an arm, so I felt kind of bad comparing him to Matt Flynn. That was an emotion I was never expecting to experience. Once you make me feel bad about ripping on Jay Schroeder, you are officially the worst QB ever.
Most not-good QBs, you can kinda see what everybody was thinking by employing them. They got the physical tools but not the head, or vice versa. Watching Matt Flynn, it immediately became a mystery as to why he was taking snaps from center. He's short. He's immobile. He has no arm. And he's a fucking idiot.
We repeatedly watched him run straight into sacks all day. The pick-six he threw, to a CB who was being hailed as one of the worst of all-time heading into that game, was one of the most awful throws I have ever seen. Dude was already being mobbed in the end zone before I was able to pick my jaw up off the ground. All hope left the stadium at that point. We staked ourselves a 14 point lead against the worst defense in the league, and we all knew it was hopeless at the half.
I don't even want to imagine what this season would have been like had Matt Flynn actually been our QB. The only bright spot to this game was recognizing where we are with Pryor versus where we would have been with Flynn *shudder*. Flynn was demoted to #3 in the days following the game, and was cut outright a couple days ago, reportedly for getting all mopey about it. Understandably, Reggie McKenzie is taking some shit for this (the acquisition, not the cutting). Not a good look for somebody with such a supposed great eye for talent to bring that turd aboard. But I have always been of the opinion that the Flynn trade was never a football move to be taken at face value, but was basically a bone thrown to the fans and anybody ready to accuse the Raiders of tanking this season. And now we have further announced our intentions to not purposely suck by getting rid of his sorry ass.
So this game will now be filed away along with some other classic Coliseum lowlights. The quintessential "prevent D prevents you from winning" game when Elvis Grbac hit Andre Rison for a 40 yard TD on the last play to win a Sunday night game when it rained all fucking night. Another Sunday night game against the Vikings when it rained so hard the game almost got postponed that the Raiders lost in overtime. A game against the Patriots a few years ago which I left when the Raiders were down 24-0 in the first quarter. And the passing of the pick-throwing torch from Kyle Boller to Carson "I know three plays" Palmer against the Chiefs. Ugh.
Aside from watching Matt Flynn, according to Kornheiser, "set quarterbacking back 20 years," that was a lot of fun though. HANGIN OUT WITH THE BR0S, DOING BR0 STUFF. There were a surprising amount of Washington Football Team fans there. Our section was thick with a large group of young hipster Washington Football Team fans. This perplexed us a great deal. Especially because they very, very dumb. So dumb that I had to resist the urge to ask what their deal was- that would have likely gone downhill quick.
And ayo... they didn't put me on TV did they? At the half, our section emptied out completely- except for myself, and some busted Washington Football Team fan chick sitting right next to me. Would've chatted her up, but she had proven herself to be a moron. So we were just sitting there all awkward with our arms crossed. It was that PERFECT TV moment. "Looks like we got a house divided over there in section 215 Doug. YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!" I was scared shitless my reputation on the Oakland streets would be forever tarnished.
By the way, I did not see so much as a single hurried step from any uniformed authority figure. The only crowd issues were the dumbass Washington Football Team hipsters not sitting where they were supposed to. And my boy Autumn Wind actually got a talking to from a fellow fan about his profanity. I guess we turned out to be the scary Raider fan thugs after all.