I'll have you know. When I'm not lurking on the worlds greatest subforum, I spend my time walking the plains of a living farce.

Last week I paid for someones elses petrol because I couldn't remember what pump I used and the cashier looked at me and said a number that vaguely sounded like the amount I put in the van. I was that twat holding up the queue.

Later in the week I saw an old work colleague walking past the the house I was working at. I was stood on a flat roof, he exited a shop on the corner, outside which a group of people stood talking. "Scot!" I shouted, "oi Scotty" , "Scottt Green!!" "Scottttt!", he turned around looked in my direction then carried on walking. "I'm here on the roof pal!" "Scotty!" He looked again, approached me then I realised it wasn't Scott but a different human being. "erm yeah sorry pal I thought you were someone else"

The day after I had to take a call of nature in a vicars house, then realised there was no water in the cistern and the stop tap had been turned off. Then sheepishly had to explain to the vicar not to use the toilet until I'd turned the water back on, before hurriedly working out how to cap the cold water under the sink because the plumber had swanned off to the wholesaler.

Then Friday I left a shoe on someones drive.