Hi there. We haven't officially met, but I'm the lady who's been shooting you disapproving looks for the past 2 hours. Yes, that's me. Hello again. The second show of the Configuration Ballet Theatre has just finished and I wonder if I might have a word?

First things first. I realize you were late in arriving, something very noticeable by the way the 6 of you clambered into your seats halfway through Balanchine's Ballet Imperial, carrying your big gulps (or whatever the hell they were) and bags of snacks. Yet, I can't help but wonder if you saw the large signs stating "No Food or Drink Allowed in Theater"? Maybe you missed them. Your lateness combined with your cameras and their flashes tell me that you certainly missed the opening remarks of the Director, explicitly saying "no flash photography". This instruction is not just for the comfort of the audience, it is for the safety of the performers, who are doing very intricate lifts and turns, et cetera. If you can't respect your fellow audience members, perhaps you can respect the performers? There's a DVD of the performance you can buy for $20. I'll fucking pay for it if you'll put the damn cameras down.

Second things second. Not one of you is capable of whispering. I appreciate that you seem to be trying, but what you're actually doing is shouting. Well, shouting and opening your loud bags of snacks. Since one of you whisper-shouting "Shut Up!" to the others doesn't seem to help matters, maybe you could pass notes?

Third, I'm sorry you "didn't understand" the Alvin Ailey-inspired Wade in the Water performance. That's fine, not all dance speaks to all people. But asking why they have an "African dance" when "this is America" is beyond disgusting and only speaks to your bigotry and hatred. I commend myself for not turning around and punching you. My grandmother was with me, which is the only reason I didn't. It was a fucking close call though, when you asked why the "ugly black girl has a solo dance". That "ugly black girl" is fucking gorgeous, by the way. She is stunning not just in appearance but in her amazing ability. She captivated the audience, drew us in and made us forget where we were. That's why she's leaving to join the New York City Ballet and your relative is not (relative, maybe? You spent every number whisper-shouting "IS THAT HER???" to each other.) If I wanted to spend $3000 dollars to hear ignorance and hatred, I'd befriend the Koch brothers.

Fourth. This is only important to me, but I imagine it would be important to you. My daughter was on that stage. She was up there as both a Degas Dancer and as a corps dancer in the second half show of Pierino e il Lupo. She spent the entire year learning and preparing for today. After auditioning, she was put into a ballet class of girls with 7 years of experience compared to her 0 years. She spends every day practicing, not because anyone asked her to but simply because she loves it. The result of her diligence was being awarded a role in the corps that was only offered to people 3-5 years older than her and with years more experience. Over the past month, she has spent 12 hours a week in official rehearsals and at least 12 per week rehearsing at home, all while managing top marks in school. This is important to her, and therefore to me, jackasses. You mentioned that this show was "better" than the winter performance. I'm not an accurate judge of that, even though I saw it. You see, I saw that show (my daughter's very first ballet performance) via Skype while hospitalized, hooked up to tubes and wires, after amazing my doctors by not bleeding out and dying. I have been looking forward to today with the anticipation of a child at Christmas and so has my daughter. No, that's not your fault, nor is it your problem. However, simple human decency means that I behave appropriately while at events like this. I don't whisper-shout to people, because it's both rude and a distraction. I don't know who the people around me are there to see, so I don't ruin the performance just because someone I know isn't on stage.

In short, you are a bunch of ignorant, racist, rude and hateful motherfuckers. And if that kid of yours kicks my chair one more time, I'm gonna lose it, you ridiculous tools.