After reading Hazel’s latest trite thinkpiece and discovering one of Jerry’s nuggets of Hollywood of old I got distracted at work and began thinking about one of our biggest stars. This led to a minor debate at work re how this person has not actually made a good movie in 20 years yet is still considered a bankable star. So for no reason other than a distinct desire to not work today, I present, The Fresh Prince’s filmography dating back to his last goodish movie. Fight me.
- (2017) - Bright - No comment needed
- (2016) - Collateral Beauty - How you gonna make a trash movie with Ed Norton, Michael Peña and Ann Dowd?
- (2016) - Suicide Squad - Come on, Son.
- (2015) - Concussion - Insipid Oscar-Bait
- (2015) - Focus or Matchstick Men for Dummies - So. Damn. Boring
- (2013) - After Earth - We get it, you’re a Scientologist but don’t want to be out of that closet. Or the other one you’re in.
- (2012) - Men in Black 3 - You aren’t recapturing that magic
- (2010) - Seven Pounds - Are we sure Dan Fogelman didn’t make this?
- (2008) - Hancock - This genuinely should have been good but ended up a muddled mess
- (2007) - I Am Legend - This was a shitty movie with an atrocious third act that after digging into it ruined some interesting source material
- (2006) - The Pursuit of Happyness - Sappy. Saccharine. Bullshit Oscar-bait. Feel-goody mush with no soul.
- (2005) - Hitch - Was problematic when it came out. Is even worse now. Also, get the fuck outta here with your blazer and unbuttoned dress shirt you look like my creepy uncle.
- (2004) - Shark Tale - The Cicis Pizza of animated movies
- (2004) - I, Robot - Shia. LeBeouf. Dumb plot. Dope arm.
- (2003) - Bad Boys II - Why was this 2.5hrs? Peak, ageless Gabrielle Union.
- (2002) - Men in Black II - I just feel bad
- (2001) - Ali - An afterschool special
- (2000) - The Legend Of Bagger Vance - I found my magical negro
- (1999) - Wild Wild West - Hilariously bad. +1 Salma Hayek’s rump
- (1998) - Enemy of the State - Mostly Fun. Mostly Taut. Hackman. Lisa Bonet! Noted computer experts Jack Black, Seth Green and Jamie Kennedy.
Takes 20 damn years to find a movie that is actually enjoyable. Which comes on the heels of a trio of bad but enjoyable movies from ‘95-’97: Bad Boys, Independence Day and Men in Black.
It is astounding he’s been a star for this long with this filmography.