I’m willing to concede that my interests generally skew pretty nerdy, that most of my childhood/teen years overlapped with the rise and fall of arcades, and that I was 100% raised as an “Indoor Kid”, but is this really a thing that people didn’t know? That pinball tables actually have objectives? Or do people just toss quarters in them expecting random chaos machines?

I’ll save LH the effort and write the remainder of this series of articles:

How to win at arcade games:

Mash the buttons.

How to win at casinos:

Only spend money at the bar or cigarette vending machines.

How to win at Twitter:

Never Tweet.

How to win a Tinder:

Lie; maybe use your friend’s photo.