So last week I asked for advice on eating alone and the bartenders, restaurant folk and bons vivants of Clashtalk offered excellent advice which I tried to keep in mind. After this I won't bore you with my boring dinners alone, but since people were so helpful, here's a long winded synopsis. The tl;dr read version: no anxiety attacks. Everything felt pretty normal. It was boring as hell.

So the earliest I could get anywhere was 6, which you would think would not be crowded on a Wednesday in NYC, but the place had a pre fix special I didn't know about.

The bar was PACKED with COUPLES!! WTF?? Nobody warned me about that!!! So I decided to sit outside where I have the same luck choosing a table as I have getting in the fastest supermarket check out line. Which is to say, I ended up next to the most boring couple in NYC.

They were a gay couple in the finance business. They talked about work inanities through drinks and the first two courses; they talked about their apartment renovation during dessert and while they were finishing dessert they picked a movie. They decided to see RIPD over Red 2 because they LOVE, love Ryan Reynolds. Do people actually LOVE Ryan Reynolds?? He's just there with abs and a smooth face, but is he remotely interesting?? The whole dinner I kept thinking, "these are the people who are supposed to be destroying our culture?"


In contrast, the table across from me had a group of women who seemed to be having a good time, but I couldn't really hear them without obviously snooping. The only thing I got was pretty weird: one woman's boss puts simple syrup in her coca-cola! Seriously.


The only exciting thing was this cutie pie on the far side of the patio. I ordinarily don't approve of dogs or strollers in restaurants, but he was very well behaved and just adorable.

People on the street: I am used to seeing couples in which the woman is dressed like she's meeting Michelle Obama while the man looks like he picked up the pants next to his bed, sniffed them and put them on, I am not at all used to guys whose dogs are better groomed and cleaner than they.