Some days, I fondly remember something I once read about our greatest hero Al Davis (that's Mr. Davis to you); he thrived in chaos. Loved it. Loved working in it, loved creating it so he could work in it. Today became one of those days immediately after I decided to air out a neighborhood business owner on Facebook for being a lying thief piece of shit.

How many packages of "defective" light bulbs have you ever purchased? I have never purchased a package of light bulbs which were all mysteriously defective. I sell light bulbs, and today it became quite glaring (AYO!) that one individual has somehow managed to buy more packages of "defective" light bulbs than everybody else combined, in my entire career as an esteemed light bulb salesman.

Dude ran up on me with that bullshit for what I'm pretty sure is at least the third time today. I usually only work the day-job three days a week. THREE TIMES, NOT ONE OF THOSE LIGHT BULBS WORKED? Bullshit. I tapped out on it and buzzed my boss. I don't play that shit, but calling a regular out on something like that would not be what my boss would want. So he handled it, whatever, go Holland. A little bit later, I can't help but check these "defective" light bulbs. They were the wrong bulbs for the package. MotherFUCKER.

Told my manager. "Noooooo shit... and he's not the first. Somebody else on the street used to pull that on us." Told the co-owner. "Ha ha... wow." Told the co-owner who dealt with him. "Yep, I noticed that. Ha ha..."

Consensus opinion among four highly trained professionals- this dude is scamming us.

He owns a little art/knick-knack store next door to a serious internationally acclaimed record store owned by a great dude I'm conversational with, and a handful of music br0s work there as well. Another solid dude I know owns a record store a block away. So being the good friend I am, I tagged the boys and spilled the beans on FB on my lunch break. People tagged people and before my bagel was out the toaster clown ass motherfuckers I've never met were on there telling me how he's a great guy and how disrespectful it was. Of course, they were incorrect, because the very definition of "disrespectful" is some punk bitch scamming the way too fucking friendly family-run neighborhood hardware store.


Shortly after I got back from lunch, my boss asked to talk to me. GIVE YOURSELF ONE GUESS WHAT THIS IS ABOUT, TAINT! Thievy McStealerson had called to complain. My boss asked me if I posted something to his FB page. "Noooooooo... I posted something on MY FB page."

"I'm gonna have to ask you to take that down."

Which I told my boss I would do immediately after our conversation. He's such a great guy. He told me he appreciated the strong moral compass, but that's not the way we handle things. He's the one who's liable, and it's his awesomeness that had me so pissed, so all he had to do was say the word- done. However... he couldn't argue with the assessment with a straight face. He said well, dude is old, you never know... but he conceded that, at best, dude isn't on the up and up, and it's only a matter of to what degree he's punking us. In essence, maybe he's getting senile, and that senility just happens to be manifesting itself in a not altogether uncommon scam. Over and over again.


On the other hand, I told my manager what I did, who of course has no legal liability, and he was fucking stoked. Ha ha... and the music buddies were 100% supportive. So I can't imagine this shit will get all that interesting in the future. Nonetheless, I feel like quoting Pauly Walnuts when he said, "NOBODY KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE MAY HOLD, MY FRIEND!"

Seriously, fuck a motherfucking punk thief though.