I wouldn't read this at work.
Some people sell stocks and bonds, other people peddle flesh. This is just a few thoughts that occurred to me last night while at, as Pacman Jones put it, the script club.
-I saw a vagina last night that looked like it went a full 15 rounds with the Mike Tyson of penis's.
-I saw my best buddy at works wifes, and my bosses wifes boobies last night. To be certain I think they like strippers far more than I ever could. Like a lot more. I think my bosses wife was the life of the strip club party.
-Considering I have not been to a strip club in 5 years, I want everybody to take a long hard look at the one dollar bills that you handle on a daily basis. Like a really long hard look. The top salesman this week rolled one up, put the one dollar bill in his mouth, and then let one of the lady's pick it out of his mouth using a kegel. As impressed as I am by this feat, I am simultaneously germed the fuck out by it.
-So, I cannot begin to describe the stink that strippers put on themselves that magically rubs off on everybody they touch, but Marcy's Playground said it best. I smell like sex and candy right now.
-I saw a stripper hit her head on the stage when she tried to do an inverted spin down the pole. She handled it like a true champion, and outside of the thud of her dome hitting the stage she smiled and didn't skip a beat during her routine. That is a true professional right there, and I gave her a standing ovation.
-The bathroom attendant is a dying breed in stip clubs, and to my disbelief the strip club did not offer cologne, but instead only offered axe body spray in the bathroom. I guess I never thought about how funny it is that men put cologne on for strippers, like you can smell anything other than stripper on yourself.
-I almost forgot, buying drinks at the strip club is the most outrageous thing ever. A stripper asked me to buy her a Jager Bomb, I laughed and threw 2 singles at her and walked away. That would essentially be a 10 dollar tip not counting tipping the bartender. Yes I think about it like this.
-I have heard a couple rumors, and I have not sought any answers on the matter, but I am more certain than ever my boss and his wife are some grade A freaks. It is hard to make me blush, but I think the both of them managed to do that to me at least twice last night.
LOL, my girlfriend is on vacation right now, and would never approve of such a venture. I can sit here and tell you all with a straight face that I was a completely decent fellow, and never wavered last night and it would not matter to her. I am sure the word pig will get tossed at me at least 2 times when she gets back, but heah thats life. You only get to live it once.