Yesterday, a new person started following me on Twitter. I looked at his profile, and he seemed like a funny guy so I followed him back. Then he sent me a direct message, telling me how funny and witty and pretty I am. I responded with something polite and neutral like "I'm glad my doofiness is entertaining for you" and just ignored the stuff he said about my looks. Today, he sent me another direct message, telling me he's on jury duty and he's bored and I should text him, and he gave me his phone number.

What the fuck, creepy dude? Why the fuck would I be like, "Sure, total rando on the internet, let me do something that provides you with my phone number, so you can continue making unwanted advances! Neat!"

I was thinking of just ignoring him, but maybe you guys can help me come up with something more fun than that, like, "I'd text you, but my crazy-jealous hulk of a husband just chopped off all my fingers."