So you’re about to run out the door to a Super Bowl party and, yet again, you’ve forgotten who to root for and/or which sport you’re going to be only tangentially watching in about an hour or so. And you don’t know who to pretend to deeply care about, and you need some help.

Well, I wish I could help you with some kind of pithy, homoerotic innuendo-laden advice, but I just don’t have it this year. So toss a coin or root for the team with better-looking uniforms or something like that.

Or you can do what I plan on doing and half-heartedly root against the Patriots more than anything else. Granted, because of football’s heady mix of capitalism and machismo, there’s every chance that many, if not most, members of both teams (certainly in the upper levels of the salary chain and front office) are Trump-supporting assholes, but the Patriots have been more publicly so, from the owner to the coach to (probably, even though his wife made him stop talking about politics) the star QB who you’d still have sex with, but you’d feel guilty about it later.

So, even though they just bilked the taxpayers of Georgia out of a ton of money for a new eyesore stadium and their quarterback willingly goes by a nickname (Matty Ice) that refers to what had been, prior to November, the most embarrassing thing that US had ever produced, go Falcons. You truly are the overtly lesser of two evils.