That's how not-prejudiced I am towards the differently-abled. And the boss gave me a pat on the back for it.

Been helping this guy for years, he's usually nice enough. In fact we were on... not quite high-fiving terms, but some kind of lame mid-five he prefers. He never buys anything, he just looks around and asks us for free calendars. He really, really likes free calendars. Always literally on that next level shit, looking forward to the upcoming year. I got the honor of breaking him off some of the fresh new 2014 joints on Friday. Went out of my way to personally hand them to him and get my mid-five.

So today he's back and what does this motherfucker ask me for... 2015 calendars.

For retail anecdotes, that comes off as "Yeah, and?" anti-climacitc until you account for the fact that this dude has engaged me in a game of charades culminating in "get a haircut" the last handful of times he's been in the shop. The first time he did it, he was using the escort ads in the back pages of the weekly newspaper to illustrate his point. He was pointing to naked chicks and dudes, and then to me. You can only imagine how relieved I was when I realized he was only trying to tell me to get a haircut. It definitely beats all the other possible alternatives (aside from the inability to speak, he's not my type).

But yeah, he's fucking worn me down with that shit. It stopped being cute three times ago. So he asked me for 2015 calendars for the umpteenth time and I told him to leave. And then he made the "get a haircut" gesture. That's when I wanted to step outside of myself and watch the proceedings. "Get out. NOPE! WRONG DIRECTION! THAT WAY!" A smile never left his face, but I don't think he was trolling me. He's deaf. This was the first of many occasions where I will tell this guy to bounce. I told my boss, who said this was at least the third time in four days dude had been in for calendars, and he was warned.

So this gets added to my shop highlight reel, along with;

-telling a guy in a wheelchair to get the fuck out (he came in in a wheelchair, then stood up and started being a dumbass)


-getting cussed out by a guy with a prosthetic leg (he was an asshole)

-walking up on some nerdy giggling high school kids who broke something with the broom and dustpan talking about "any time yall wanna stop fucking around."

-asking a coworker if he wanted to go fight in the backyard (also considered to be justified. There was precedent)


-a crazy idiot having it out for me because I wouldn't give him a coworker's personal info two years ago. He asked to have me fired and my boss told him off. Had two nose-to-noses with him on consecutive days in the fucking post office a couple months back. The cops got involved. Then he wrote a letter asking to have me fired again. Thanks for the paper trail, crazy idiot!

2014 is shaping up as the year I get a new job, in addition to being when the 2015 calendars are released.