In case anyone somehow was confused, I am a monster. Sometimes I can be cruel and petty. Sometimes I can be aloof and impatient. Sometimes I create the most cringe inducing situations for myself with my awfulness like I did today at work.

I work in customer service and most of my job is telling people how to install solar panels on roofs over the phone. I've been doing it for years and my boss has taken to weekly asking me if I have "burnout." I probably do, but that isn't what made me a garbage person. I was the worst before I hated my job and my life and the world in general.

Today I got a call from someone setting up a commercial project somewhere in the Bahamas. It started well enough, I was pleasant, the installer was nice. Communication started breaking down because we were using different terminology for some of the parts, which isn't that uncommon because the solar industry is still relatively new. I explained to him some of the terminology I was using, and how some of the terminology he was using referred to something else. This was all pleasant enough, I hadn't revealed what a vile person I am yet.

But he wasn't picking up any of my explanations. HE WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION TO WHAT I'M SAYING. This causes me to Hulk Out, and with me that means transforming into a curt little bitch. I started to imply that he isn't paying attention to my advice, as I am a master assassin and language is my weapon. I needed him to know I knew he wasn't focusing on what I'm saying.

"...as I said before..."

"I'm trying to use the same terminology so we don't confuse anything."

"I want to make sure we are both on the same page."

The installer must have sensed my frustration, so he said, "I'm sorry. I should say that last year I suffered a brain injury, and I couldn't walk or speak. I've gotten a lot better but sometimes it takes me longer to understand things. I'm sorry to take your time."

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God damn it! Here my bad attitude made this poor guy feel like he had to disclose something like this, as a means of apology. He shouldn't be sorry! I'm the bad guy here! I apologized profusely and gave him the white gloves treatment from there (as I should be doing with every customer but sometimes find it hard when I'm dead inside).

Anyway, just needed to get that out. I am trash.

(not really, but it sure felt like it right then)