It's a habit, really, a bad one, but I tend to get obsessed with things, but the obsessions tend to be very short lived, and spotted with other micro-obsessions. For a time I was obsessed with Jack Kerouac, and so refused to write on anything other than a manual typewriter (this time period remains my most productive, however).

Then I was obsessed with Charles Bukowski, and so I drank more than I ever had before and drifted through a trifling misogynist phase. I'd not had much luck with women up to that point, and I was very stupid. I apologize.

Then I was obsessed with cocaine, and with it pornography. And agoraphobia (not real agoraphobia, just hoarding all my drugs agoraphobia). The porn, though, was real. I apologize.

But something I keep coming back to in my life is the idea of doing standup comedy. Most recently, that keening has resurfaced because of my binge-listening to WTF With Marc Maron.

It's really good, and it fills me with regret. I distinctly remember at least 3 different occasions when I was in my early 20s when I resolved to go to an open mic to kick off my career, only to wilt under the expectations I'd placed on myself.

Then again, jilting myself, failure, and procrastination have been micro-obsessions all the while.


I apologize.