But apparently that's because she lacked imagination. From the great state of Tennessee:

Man Held After Attempting Sex with ATM, Picnic Table

Following so close on the heels of the Reddit "open relationship" guy, it's been a bad week for good men who just have too much love to give to be held down by a single partner.

Also, prepare yourself for the most shocking sentence in the history of news reportage:

The officer said Hutton appeared intoxicated and smelled of alcohol.