Over the weekend, I was visited by a guy selling Kirby vacuums. This might not come as a surprise, but I am a rather tough sell.

Now, I don't have a problem with somebody making commission off a sale, as I sell things for a living, but when you ask me for 3 grand for a fucking vacuum, I am going to laugh in your face.

I am not kidding you, I always let door to door salesmen in my house from Jehovas witnesses and Mormons to meat men and home security providers. It drives my fiance insane, but I just love letting people pitch me.

But after the Kirby guy this last Saturday, I am afraid I need to put up a no soliciting sign because I almost had to beat the guys ass.

Granted, I told him he lost his fucking mind, but the dude went on to tell me thanks for wasting his time, and I don't think he realized he was in a strangers house, and he just might catch an ass whooping talking crazy to me like that. I kinda was fucking with him in a bad way but still, in sales you always need to be polite, period.

Although I did pull out my 75 dollar vacuum I purchased at Lowes and showed him it did the very same thing, and then pitched him on purchasing my vacuum for 3 grand.


I forgot to mention the time I was completely stoned out of my gourd and almost got baptized into the church of latter day saints. They spent a good hour talking to me about Jesus and what not and at the end of their pitch where like, "So are you ready to be baptized?", to which I responded, "You boys lost your fucking mind, and need to get the fuck out.". I am not kidding, I really have a problem letting people pitch me.

Yeah, my door is not the door you want to knock on. I think a No Soliciting sign would be doing everyone a favor.

EDIT: The Sally O GT pitch should go down in history as one of the greatest fail pitches I have ever seen in my life. Too epic not to mention.