Afton Elaine Burton and Charles Milles Manson, both of Corcoran, California, announced their engagement on Monday, with a wedding scheduled within the next 90 days. It is believed to be the first wedding for Ms. Burton, and the third for Mr. Manson.

Mr. Manson, 80, has been employed with the state of California continuously since 1969, and is well known as a lunatic. Ms. Burton, 26, moved to Corcoran to be close to her betrothed, and is, according to friends, loved ones, and colleagues, absolutely insane.

"We first met writing letters to one another," Ms. Burton said. "At first I just wanted to let him know that I refuse to believe the government's theory that he was some kind of monster. From there, one thing led to another, and love blossomed."

"I just think of killing all the time," Mr. Manson added.

Ms. Burton insisted that their love was not simply a matter of physical attraction. "With Charlie, I know there will never be any kind of...marital contact," she said with a wink. "I love him for his mind, like when he revealed to me the truth about the Holocaust, the coming race wars, and who really brought down the World Trade Center."


Mr. Manson feigned disinterest in the romantic talk, instead leering at the family visiting a fellow inmate a few windows down. "Take them for example. I could kill them and not think about it. Kill them real good. Real good."

For her part, the bride-to-be is aware of her critics, but undeterred. She said, "I don't care if you're my mother, father, preacher, the guard in the visitation room, that asshole JP who gave me the side-eye before saying there was nothing in the law that would allow him to not sign the wedding license—and that he had checked twice—we're in love, and there's nothing you can do about that."


Mr. Manson remained philosophical on the matter. "Love's weird," he said. "When Star first said she wanted to marry me, I said, 'Holy shit, you're insane.' But the more I thought on it, the more I realized that maybe we did have something in common. Now, you see that big guy over there? I'd have to sneak up on him, but yeah, I bet I could take him if I wanted..."

He then trailed off, spending the next twenty minutes rubbing his inner thigh before being led back to his cell.


ETA: Originally the tag was "Love Conquers Al," and to be honest, I'm kind of sorry I caught and corrected it. Al can go fuck himself.