This is the same uncle who once tried to run a scam selling "magic rocks" he found in a desert. Oh, the stories I could tell about this man.

Here's a good one:

He interrupted my stepdad's funeral because he wanted to get dick pills.

It was after the main part of the funeral was over, when my mom was standing at the head of the receiving line, as hundreds of people came up to her to hug her and give their condolences.

My uncle started harassing her. Grabbing her arm, saying her name over and over again, telling her he had an urgent errand to run and that she needed to take him ASAP. The funeral wasn't even over yet. Finally, a sixteen year old girl who was friends with my sister jumped in and said, "I'll take you," just to get him to stop pestering my poor mother.

She took him on his mystery errand. The place he needed to go so urgently? A local supplement and health food store.


He spent the night by himself at the flea bag hotel where we'd gotten him a room. He was married at the time, but his wife was not with him. The next day, another friend of the family took him to the airport. Dear Uncle accidentally left the object of his urgent errand behind, rolling around on the floor in the back of their car: a bottle of Steel Libido pills.

Was it for porn in the motel? For a not-so-lovely lady he met in that not-so-lovely establishment? Who knows. But by god, he needed to interrupt a funeral to get it.