Hi! I am Roger Goodell! I am the commisioner of the Not For Long League! I make waxing statements and hold onto little if any pretense of commen sense in my descion making! You can’t tell me nothing! I am a son of a senator, and people need to start realizing that they need to respect my dick! Judges, union courts, shit, I haven’t done business in good faith for years! Sure the average life expectancy of my employees takes a giant dip, but the current owners should not be responsible for car accidents committed years ago.

Look, I am just looking for a city to extort. I don’t think enough tax payer dollars are getting syphoned into our collection of billionares. Do you know what it is like to be rich broke?!

On this note my friends I am boycotting NFL football. A tear drop. I am bowing out of all 2 of my fantasy leagues, I am putting it all out there. Do what ya will, I am done. Shoeless Joe Jackson famously said he would of played the game for free. Well, it is over for me. Your city needs an NFL team like a hole in the brain.