I have, as previously discussed, trained my body, over many years, to poo during work hours. The end result of my efforts is a pleasingly consistent impulse to the john, every weekday at about 8 am. Weekends are right out; I hold it in if I’m not getting paid. Federal holidays falling during the week do present some difficulty, as my lower intestines are apparently oblivious to calendars. Alas, that is neither here nor there. The point is, 8 am comes around and I’m heading for the throne. The nearest restroom has two stalls, one normal sized and a larger one for handicap access. I know deep in my heart that the normal sized stall is more than sufficient for my space requirements, but I like the having the option to stretch out, so I usually take the larger stall, rationalizing that there us nobody on my floor who needs it. This hasn’t led to any issues yet and I’m confident in my abilities to pinch it off and relocate to the adjacent, smaller stall if the need ever did arise. This isn’t about stalls though. The defining feature of this restroom is motion activated lights that turn off after 7 minutes without detecting activity. I don’t like to be rushed, and aside from the necessary function of excretion waste, I find my morning constitutionals provide a welcome opportunity for serene reflection on the coming day. This often takes longer than 7 minutes, so unless somebody else comes in during that time, the lights go out. To turn the lights back on the motion detector must be tripped. First I tried wadding up toilet paper and throwing it over the stall, to no avail. Thrown shoes also failed to work, and had the added risk of looking super weird if anybody did come in. Finally I had to stand up and wave my arm over the stall. Once you stand, the reverie is broken, the magic is gone, and you’re just sitting in a poo stanking room. Fast forward to this morning. My usual time rolls around, I adjourn to my second office only to find both stalls occupied. With a certain urgency I evaluate my options and wind up going down the he main floor where there is a public restroom. There is a single large stall (yay no nagging fears that I’m depriving an ADA-protected individual from his rights to a usable john; for the duration of my time here, I’m depriving everybody). Several minutes into my usual routine I realize the lights have not gone off. There is no motion detector, just a normal switch. I have discovered a new Eden, a eternally-illumimated cool porcelain oasis to provide succor amidst the swirling maelstrom of corporate nonsense that makes up the other 7 hours of my day. Today is a good day!