I usually smoke weed after I write these things. But I'm gonna have to get hella high right now just so I don't start punching shit having to think about these assholes. Jesus Fucking Christ...

Much like last week, the Raiders got thoroughly outplayed all over the place, and looked their best after throwing in the towel and letting Carr huck it around. Derek Carr looks to be for real.

The way this team played last year, you would think improving everywhere on defense and adding a half-decent quarterback in the off-season would make them at least somewhat competitive. You would be wrong! Theyyyyy fucking SUCK! As scrub a fucking team as the Raiders fielded last year, most of their worst performances were when they were decimated at one position or another or a few by injuries, playing guys who everybody knew didn't belong in the league. The 2014 version is just sucking right from the jump, hyped free agent signings and all. They are more hopeless than last year, and that should have been impossible. They probably can't be worse than last year. By the laws of nature, I fucking hope that's literally impossible. But they are without a doubt more hopeless than last year, if for no other reason than we were promised some hope this year. And hopeless is worse than bad.

In all seriousness, the 2013 3-13 Raiders were one of the most overachieving teams I've ever seen. They got coached the fuck up. They had no business winning three games. And that's the silver lining to their current suckage- I would have felt bad to see Tarver and Greg Olson go before. As bad as everything looks now, meh. I got bigger things to worry about.

Head coach Dennis Allen... dead man walking. After my hard-hitting investigative reporting in this very space last week tipped Tony Sparano to be the inevitable interim head coach of the Oakland Raiders, the news that Tony Sparano is the inevitable interim head coach of the Oakland Raiders was made public on Monday. That is not a promising sign for Dennis Allen. My prediction of him getting to coach a fifth game this season is starting to sound quite generous. But we judge coaches based on what they get out of what they are given. And he has not been given jack shit. His unpopularity among Raider fans has been fucking irritating to me, because how the fuck is anybody going to do anything with those shitty, shitty players? Reggie McKenzie deserves far more of the blame for the current state of the team.


Hopefully Carr will make a big difference in what kind of head coach we're going to eventually get to replace Allen (it won't be Sparano past this season). Still in great salary cap shape with a top-five pick and a good young QB in place, the 2015 job is much more attractive than when Dennis Allen signed on. Exactly how attractive depends on how much of an ass Mark Davis makes of himself over the next few months. Chuckie is #1 candidate until further notice. The most likely person to supplant Gruden from that position... *sigh*. I can't say his name. He's already too close for comfort. But the way this team challenges me, it makes too much sense.

Go Raiders.