Inspired by AW, I bring you all the tale of my buddy, and how him and his ball went through a painful separation.

My buddy, the same one that got his ass beat by Richie Incognito, used to have 2 testicles, like most men, until about 8 years ago.

One night, me and him got really, really fucking drunk at his moms house that we were house sitting at the time. After several hours of drinking his moms top shelf booze I passed out on his couch watching TV.

At about 3 in the morning he wakes me up freaking the fuck out, completely making no sense, saying he has a major fucking problem. I, still being half cocked drunk and hardly awake try to get my fucking thoughts in order as my buddy is pacing around the room, and at the time, it looked like he was holding his hand to his gut like he had just punched a brick wall or something like that. After a moment I kinda gather myself up, I ask him what is wrong, dude drops trough right infront of me and then I saw it.


A single nut sack the fucking size of a fucking hedge apple, and as purple as an eggplant. I drunkenly grab my keys, and we fucking go to the hospital. By noon the next day, he was recovering well, and we found out what had happened. As it turns out, some of us boys have longer ball connecter strings,(sorry, I don't know the scientific term), and in his sleep, one of his balls had spun around some how on itself, to the point that it cut off it's own circulation, and had died. The doctors told us, that if we had got there much later, he would have lost both testicles, as the swelling was choking out his remaining one. They also offered a prosthetic testicle to my buddy, but he turned it down.

He is ok to this day, but he will forever be the Uni-Baller to me. He is married and has a kid so it is all ok in the end I guess.