The Saturday essay feature has become a total creep magnet.

That dude Bon Morte, for example. Here is a guy who must sit hunched over his laptop every single Saturday hitting refresh until the essay posts so he can throw in some glib, borderline trolly comment in a lame attempt to become the featured comment—and then he hangs around bickering with people and gloating. He derives an incredible amount of satisfaction from it. This guy must be bedridden, or a hoarder. Go outside and toss the fucking frisbee around once in a while, guy.

He reminds me of this mind numbingly stupid guy I worked with at Action Park when I was a teenager. One day he started telling me how he was going to write an autobiography about his experiences as a ride operator. He was like, "and you know what I'm going to call it?...Through My Eyes..." and then he paused and stared at me as if he'd said the most profound thing ever and was waiting for my awestruck reaction.

I think that guy might have grown up to become Bon Morte.