Lately I've been playing Far Cry 3, a very popular game from a few years back (money saving pro tip: it's much easier to afford games if you're too cheap to buy consoles and games until the next gen versions come out), which tells the story of a guy and his friends who get kidnapped by pirates somewhere in the Pacific. He rescues his friends in a variety of exciting, pirate-killing missions (don't give me your ethical qualms about killing video game peopleā€”the Bible clearly says "Thou shalt not kill, unless the person is imaginary, and is a dick, besides"). People say that video games are just time wasters that teach nothing? I beg to differ. I'm only about half to two-thirds of the way through the game, and I've learned the following life lesson:

Every single thing in the Pacific will kill you. Not just pirates. Tigers? They're waiting to eat you, as are sharks, leopards, bears, crocodiles and boars. Run across a buffalo and it will probably gore you. Komodo dragons breed like bunnies, apparently, because if you run across one of those mean-spirited bastards, you'd better get ready to deal with about 8,000 trying to bite through your Achilles.

And then there are the cassowaries, otherwise known as the unholy descendents of velociraptors (the Jurassic Park ones, not the real velociraptors, who were the size of a foul-tempered turkey) that will kill you just for the fun of it.

There are other lessons, to be sure (your friends are useless, stealing is fine, letting people get mauled by a tiger so you can loot their bodies after shooting the tiger is perfectly acceptable, etc.), but the big takeaway is that if you're anywhere in the Pacific, even butterflies will kill and eat you if given half the chance.