Does she do this to me on purpose?

As someone who would be awed by “Finding Dory on Ice”-people jumping around on knives, holy shit–

What.

Also:

I must know how to sort through nearly 200 hours of superhuman achievement for the critical particulars, so that I can stay relevant when situations arise such as: participating in “HQ” trivia night in the presence of knowledgable people; discussing the subtext of Wheaties packaging next month; being able to say “I remember that!” when ESPN, FX, or a major Hollywood studio eventually develops an Olympic rivalry into a docudrama/tentpole movie on class or race in America.

The “critical particulars” ?!?!?

(Also, thanks Brother Parish for the authorship, I don’t think I am cool or funny enough to post here but I will do my best. :P)

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